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Badfest
or Bust? - 29/30/31 July 2005
Twinwoods
Arena, Clapham
Words
by Donegal Paul
Pics by Donegal and Stuosaurus
Click
on any picture for a larger version in another window
Badfest
or Bust?
In
the same way as "one man's meat is another
man's poison"
so
I should point out that "one man's review
is another man's load of shite".
The following are my own views on the first Badfest and
if you don't agree and want to read a rosy review then you
can find one on the BBC website at www.bbc.co.uk
and search for badfest. |
And so
it was on the 29th July 2005 the pilgrims did arrive for Badfest,
well how could we not? It's like a rally on your doorstep
for us lot!
It promised to be a great weekend what with the months of
publicity. All those great bands and DJ's, the huge stage
that would have two bands on at once, with one setting up
as the other finished their set thus allowing little or no
gap in the music. How bloody great was this going to be!! |
Well,
let's see shall we?
What about the access?
A one mile track, not a dirt track no, a hardcore track,
bad enough on a car never mind my old tatty scooter, I certainly
wouldn't want to have been taking a custom scooter or freshly
painted one up there. You wouldn't get a stone chip, you'd
be feckin' pebble dashed! But as I understand it it's always
been like that, and what the hell, once your on site you're
not likely to be leaving for anything are you? |
Despite
the fact that the weather all week had been a bit naff to
say the least, when it came to arriving to the campsite
on the day we were surprised to find that it was in fact
quite dry, not a waterlogged corner in site!! Excellent,
things were looking up already.
Time
to pitch the tents. |
 |
 |
Quincy
organised us into a position where we all faced our tents
towards each other so we could have a central sitting and
eating and drinking area, sure he's been a foreman on a site
somewhere that bloke!
Facilities on the site seemed ok with showers which we'd later
find ran from cold to warm to hot and you would have to dodge
in and out to avoid being frozen or boiled alive, there were
plenty of portaloos too and all credit were it's due, the
organisers kept them clean as much as possible, certainly
a damn site better than the facilities at Skegness Rally's
campsite earlier that year. |
Right,
onto more important matters and from a practical point of
view it was already arranged that we'd get beer and food
from the local wholesaler, thanks to Big Rob and his connections
and cans worked out at about 50p each!! Better than the
£2.50 a pint or bottle at the do's we were to discover
later!
However,
there was a kink in the plan which we discovered when we
reached the security gate for the long walk to the music
and stalls. |
|
| What's
that? Yes the loooooonnng walk to the event. Didn't I say?
Thought I'd mentioned it. Well as you're asking…… |
| While
sussing out the site facilities and where to pitch, we noticed
something odd about the huge stage within the proposed arena.
It wasn't there! So on further investigation we discovered
that things were not as they should have been. They had sold
quite a few less tickets than expected and it appears that
corners were cut at a late stage. Speaking of which, where
was it? Yes, it was ¾ of a mile away!! Not the convenience
that had been spoken about for several months that's for sure!
Still, ok, a couple of deep breaths and what the heck, it's
only a wander, that'll be fine, bring a can with you and off
you go. |
 |
| Which
reminds me, what was I saying when you put me off my flow?
Ah, yes, the cheap beers plan. Well, strangely enough they
wouldn't allow you to bring your own past the security gate,
probably in an attempt to boost their profits, especially
as the only beer on tap was that cheap bloody Crest brewed
here in Bedford, at £2.50 a pint too! Anyway the excuse
was that it was for security purposes. To be fair I knew in
advance that you weren't allowed glass bottles etc, but for
god's sake, how is a tin a security risk! So we guzzled down
our tins and headed up to the main events looking forward
to checking out the facilities, the hog roast and the many
promised stalls! |
| Ummmmmmmm.
Ok, they must be well camouflaged. Oh, noooo. They're just
not there. All that was present was a bouncy castle and a
small 5 a side footy pitch for the kids instead of the promised
funfair, about 10 smallish stalls all outside, no indoor dealers
at all as promised, and then the venue with a few food stalls
and one selling overpriced merchandise. The hog roast was
indeed selling roast pork but was I the only one to think
that there would be a pig on a spit and was subsequently disappointed?
Maybe, though the only other choice was those French crepes
at £3 each or a small tray of chips at £2.50!
There was more than one occasion during this weekend that
I felt we were being fleeced. |
 |
| While
taking this all in and the crowds were gathering, it was quite
relaxing listening to the music blaring out over the speakers,
though again disappointment awaited, it was only a repeating
tape as opposed to a DJ. Though when the first acts appeared
there was certainly anticipation rustling through those gathered.
|
 |
| Eddie
Tenpole Tudor, the Beat and the Blockheads were the bands
for the first evening and all were excellent in their own
way. The thing with this festival is that while one act might
do nothing for you there would be another along soon, so something
for everyone. It was a shame though that by using the little
makeshift stage, rather than the promised arena, they really
looked squeezed in and there was a fairly frequent feedback
squeak via the speakers at times. Mind you, by the time the
Blockheads were on it was sorted. |
|
 |
| Everything
wound down about 11.30 so we all made our way back to the
site and cranked up the BBQ and beers having a right old laugh
with some going to bed earlier than others! I was one of the
late goers along with a few others having a good old laugh
until the early hours. Mind you it was about 2.30am when we
heard Stu coming out of his tent. He'd had a real skinful
that day (not unlike several of us) and we weren't sure whether
he was after more beer. So we sat quiet and still, figuring
his vision would be based like that of the T Rex, on movement.
It worked, he came out, had a piss and went back into his
tent to settle down, and so Stu-osaurus was born! |
 |
|
Saturday
morning started with a hangover, not surprisingly, but hey;
without the bad, the good wouldn't taste so swee!. There was
much discussion about the night before and plans for the day
and before long it was time to trek up to the music again
with the 5,6,7,8's due to be on first. But what to do about
refreshments? |
| Seeing
as you seemed to be allowed small plastic bottles of water
a few of the girls took advantage of this by filling them
with vodka. As for tins, it was a game of distraction. We
simply walked up to the gates finishing off a can and drank
the last of it when we were challenged. Then once through
the gate and up the lane 20 or 30 yards it was a simple matter
to get the can each we'd secreted in our pockets. |
 |
| The tape
from the previous day was playing as we got there though it
wasn't long until the 5,6,7,8's came on for their set. I have
to say, I enjoyed them immensely though I suspect many had
never heard of them other than their song from the Tarantino
film Kill Bill. By the time they'd finished it was time to
look forward to another hour of tape playing and as I was
feeling a bit delicate at this point, I and a few others headed
back to the tents for some food and drink to relax. While
gone though, I am reliably informed by Woody and others that
The Meteors were brilliant! |
Later
it was time to head back up for Bad Manners, to see the man
himself, who hadn't been seen so far all weekend! But before
that we had to figure a way to get more cans to the gig. Enter…………the
Beer Mule!
Oh yes, the Beer Mule (aka Julie) managed to secrete seven
full cans of beer about her person. Her breasts haven't been
that pert since 1986!!! |
| Arriving
with our stock of beer and having never seen Bad Manners before
I wasn't sure what to expect I admit, but I wasn't disappointed,
with Buster and the lads putting on a great set over the next
hour and a half and getting the crowd going. |
| Back
to base by midnight and it was food and beer all round again
before settling down at about 2am when tonight the organisers
switched off all the generators only leaving us with our torches
to drink beer by so we settled down to sleep and be (fairly)
refreshed for the next days music. But that's when the weekend
took a bit of a turn unfortunately. Some of our neighbours
had restarted one of the generators near them and as we were
settling down for the night cranked up the music even louder.
Still you gotta expect some antics camping at a rally, at
least it's not the '80's eh? |
| Or is
it? Next thing I knew we could see a shadow on our tent of
someone sneaking about and then something being poured all
over our tent, we had no idea at the time what it was, could
have been anything from lemonade to fucking petrol for all
we knew! Myself and Big Rob got up to find out what was going
on, went to the perpetrators being blinded by the genny lights
and then Rob tripped on a gas cooker nearly setting himself
alight! Then one of their party flipped and that was that,
there was no holding them back as 2 or 3 of them decided to
use Rob as a punchbag! Not much else to say about this other
than the rozzers were called, despite calls from them that
they didn't care, and security arrived within a couple of
minutes which consisted of 5 lads with acne for feck's sake.
And it was sooo obvious they'd been on a course. Tits, the
lot of them. |
| By the
time the police had arrived and names taken Rob went to A&E,
thankfully no major damage, and one of the lads from their
lot was arrested despite pleas of "not in front of my
11 year old daughter". It was then he decided to counter
claim saying Rob hit him too so of course Rob was also taken
in after being seen in A&E. |
All
worked out in the end despite the security lads being complete
arseholes and asking us not to antagonise the situation
as we are sat outside drinking our coffee wondering if there
would be more hassle from our neighbours and if it was safe
to even stay on site. Even as they're asking us to behave
we and they can hear taunts from across the field!!
Eventually
we settled down for the night but really that was the icing
on the cake for the weekend, I really thought the '80's
were over. |
| Next
day, well with a cloud now over the weekend at least by now
we had heard from Rob and Pam and that they were ok and would
be back up to the site soon. The plan for the day was basically
to break camp and do our own thing. And that's exactly what
we did with myself and a few others leaving everything in
the car while we went and watched the bands for an hour or
so before deciding to call it a day and get out of there before
Musical Youth and Chas and Dave got on stage. |
| As I
read back over what I've just written I realise that the question
of Badfest or Bust seems a moot one now. The whole thing reads
like we had a shite weekend, that's not true but it didn't
feel like we got what we were led to believe either and that's
the disappointment. Obviously there are plans for a Badfest
2006, 2007, etc but honestly? I can't see it coming off without
a lot of work. |
So…………Badfest
or Bust?
For
this scooterist? Bust! |
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